Beer Myths Busted Part 2

Today, we tackle myths related to domestic beer and major ad campaigns.

Bud, Miller, and Coors Are Domestic Beer

Ryan: Now, there is a little bit of truth to this statement; those aforementioned beers are made in the U.S., but that’s where the truth ends. Domestic is a simple word to define when applying it to beer: It basically means that if you live in a country and the beer is made in said country, then that beer is a domestic beer.

Scott: What’s really funny about this is that the big, famous “domestic” beers may still having brewing facilities in the U.S., but the companies that own them are all based in other countries. The makers of Bud, for example, are based in Belgium. So they aren’t really domestic beers in that sense. Although, as I said, if you buy a Bud in America, that beer was probably made on American soil. So, technically … they are sorta domestic.

Ryan: Yeah. So in America you have BudMillerCoors (that mass produced and over commercialized hydra), but you also have Deschutes, New Belgium, O’dell, Dogfish Head and countless others.

Scott: So, so many others. American craft beer is domestic if you drink it in America. But sometimes brewers will create beers influenced by beers from other countries, so I guess I can understand the confusion. Allagash, for instance, is a brewery in Portland, Maine, that only brews Belgian-style beers.

Ryan: But if a beer is shipped here from another country, then it is imported. Now, if you went across the pond and had a bottle of Old Speckled Hen, you’d be drinking a British domestic and Bud Light would be imported. Simply put, the term “domestic” is relative to where the beer is made and where you happen to be drinking it. So that wooden floor in that Trappist monastery in Belgium is just as local to Belgian drinkers as that sticky concrete floor in that dive bar in Phoenix. It’s all relative … my dear Watson.

Scott: Are you drinking as we write these?

Ryan: *hic*

Beer Commercials Never Lie

Scott: All right, let’s list some crazy crap we’ve seen in beer commercials. First of all, I don’t really have anything against these big beers. I have no qualms with drinking ’em on occasion. But they sure do have some dumb-ass ad campaigns. I’ll start with Coors, which has built an entire marketing campaign around the idea that they can somehow make their beer colder than other liquids. Hey, Coors, have you met my friend, physics? Oh, and your beer is “frost brewed”? Well, if you’re talking about fermenting the beers at near-freezing temperatures, that’s simply how the lagering process works. Most beer isn’t supposed to be drunk at arctic temperatures anyway — unless you don’t want to actually taste it, of course.

Ryan: How bout the one where drinking a certain beer gets you hot women, or how those hot women take a backseat to your “draft beer in a box”? It’s a staple among any product whose target audience is men to have commercials with attractive, anatomically perfect (albeit plastic) women. Thus reaffirming the same old adage that “drinking our beer” will make you instantly more attractive to the opposite sex, like some kind of reverse beer goggles. Now to go to the other extreme, you have the advent of the Miller Lite Home Draft Kit, which consequently means that you ignore your “girl-next-door type of pretty” girlfriend because you have beer that lasts 30 days … what happens when the beer’s gone, big guy, and so is she? There are countless commercials where men act like jackasses to their significant others because light beer is involved. So on one extreme, unrealistically attractive girls love you for drinking a beer, and on the other extreme, they pretty much hate you because said beer gives you the idea to build a house entirely out of beer (which, I admit, sounds good in theory). Conclusion: Trusting the message of a beer commercial is like trusting a baby with a Faberge egg … you’re gonna break something.

Scott: Agreed; it’s as if they think light beer somehow makes you more manly than a beer like, say, Dogfish Head’s Palo Santo Marron, a monstrous 12% ABV imperial brown ale that’s about as close to whiskey as beer gets. How does that make sense? In fact, the idea that any beer enhances manliness is silly at best. Anyway, lately I’ve noticed another direction for some big beer ad campaigns … where they claim incredible advancements in technology, all for the sake of beer. I’m sure you remember Miller Lite’s ridiculous Vortex bottle or their claim that only their beer is triple-hops brewed. This, like the frost-brewed thing, is pure silliness because that’s how all beers are made. Most beers get three hop additions. They happen throughout the brewing process and contribute bitterness, flavor, and aroma, in that order. And don’t get me started on that Vortex bottle. What the hell is it supposed to do, exactly? The ad never explains it beyond “specially designed grooves” and “great pilsner taste!”

Ryan: This last thing I’ve seen in beer commercials from “The Big 3” — well, given that Miller and Coors are now one company … The Big 2? Oh conglomerates, you slay me! Anyway, I’ve noticed that beer in commercials is pretty much only a social beverage. For some reason you only see people drinking beer at parties or in places that serve it and everyone always looks so prozacishly happy. It sends this message that somehow enjoying a beer at home makes you a shut-in or an alcoholic. Honestly there’s nothing wrong with having a cold one with dinner; I recommend it actually because some beers can pair very well with food, which I believe you’ve touched on in past articles. Though I guess you don’t see the types of beers most beer lovers enjoy at home because microbrewers don’t have huge advertising budgets to make commercials and have to rely on word of mouth. They also have to inch their beers in between walls and walls of grocery store and convenience store real estate dominated by The Big 2, I suppose that’s why so many people drink Bud and Miller/Coors products, I would too if that’s all I saw…. Then again I might just drink water instead.

Comments
One Response to “Beer Myths Busted Part 2”
  1. Fil says:

    This whole article was worth it just to see Ryan use the word “prozcacishly”. awesome. Just finished a New Belgium Abbey ale with my brat . . double awesome

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