Epic Brainless Beer Review

You might’ve read that title and thought, “um … what?”

Can’t say I blame you. Some of my recent reviews have been a bit confusing. I mean, look at this one. Seems pretty normal until you get to the end, at which point Godzilla delivers the final “score” with a sassy one-liner.

Again, I understand if you’re confused. Even I have questions. First, what makes a 300-foot-tall radioactive gorilla-whale qualified to review beer? How does he write without continually smashing typewriters? Is his resume just a single sheet of paper stamped with “INCINERATES BUILDINGS” and “MAKES PEASANTS FLEE” in size 72 font? New readers must have felt completely bamboozled. And then they probably fled. At least Godzilla was honest about that part.

Confusion aside, the title of this article (mostly) came from the name of the beer I’m reviewing: Epic Brewing Company’s Brainless Belgian-Style Golden Ale. For some reason, it seemed like the perfect beer for reintroducing my five-bottle-cap scoring system, last seen here.

Brewery: Epic Brewing Company
Style: Belgian-style strong pale ale
ABV: 8.3%
Glassware: Snifter or tulip if you got ’em.
Serving Temp: 55 degrees
Price Range: I paid $5.99 for a 22-ounce bomber.
Food Pairing: It’d go well with fish or a light appetizer.


This ale is definitely golden, but it also has a peachy cast that makes it seem to glow. The white, foamy head rises almost as quickly as it dissolves, but it doesn’t go away entirely, sticking here and there to the sides of my glass. Looking at this beer is enjoyable all on its own; you may feel torn between drinking it and just staring respectfully.

Totally kidding. There’s no way I’m not drinking this.

I can smell something tropical like passion fruit buried beneath earthy hops and spicy Belgian yeast. It’s a clean, fresh, natural scent, even if it isn’t terribly potent. But the taste makes up for that, hitting my palate with the same sweet, spicy flavor implied by the smell, albeit adding a bitter edge. A tingling bite also emerges, as if the beer were brewed with cloves and peppercorns. The mouthfeel is a bit viscous and syrupy, but the spiciness and carbonation even out the texture. Somehow both easygoing and flavorful, Brainless is a fun beer to drink — although the aftertaste, which has a bit too much hoppy bitterness for the style, unbalances things a bit.

Epic’s ale is a solid interpretation of the style. It doesn’t quite compare to most Belgian originals or even the best American reinventions of Belgian styles, such as Three Philosophers or Allagash Curieux, but it’s still a tasty beer I’d sample again for a reasonable price.

4 Responses to “Epic Brainless Beer Review”
  1. Jeremy Deal says:

    crap… why’d I read this in the morning? now I want beer in the morning. does sound like a good beer to give a go at & yes, keep the emails going – I need visual reminders that you exist (sad as that is), I mean – no joke, Debby and I forgot our own anniversary this week because we’ve been so busy, so don’t take offense that I need reminders 🙂

    • Scott says:

      Good to know I made the right choice about the e-mails. I’m also one of the most forgetful people on eath, so I understand completely.

  2. Deb Miller says:

    I’m going to try this one this weekend!

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