Great Tucson Beer Fest | The Ugly

Just to be clear, when I say “ugly,” I don’t necessarily mean that the people at the festival were unattractive. Well, some were. But others ranged from extremely good looking to moderately nonhideous. Either way, I’m using “ugly” here to refer to the unexplainable oddities that always show up at beer festivals. For example, penis balloons.

That’s Right, Penis Balloons

I know everyone has been waiting to see this since I mentioned it last week, so here it is, a penis balloon at rest in its natural habitat:

OK, maybe not that at rest. They were everywhere (along with — I’m not joking — vagina balloons). I probably should’ve expected something like this, given the prevalence of bros and their female counterparts (brodettes?), but I didn’t realize that such a specialization existed in the wide world of professional balloon art. I might’ve had different feelings about it (maybe even mirth!) if only there had been other shapes, but no, I spent most of the evening walking through a forest of flesh-tone balloon porn. It creeped me out a bit. And emphasized the lack of focus on the beer.

Past His Bedtime?

Except for this guy, who was clearly focused on beer. I’m not sure what I can say about him and his … um, “special” pajamas, so I’ll let the photo do the talking.

Yep, he’s wearing Budweiser pajama pants. I’ll give him credit for going with beer-themed clothing, but Bud seems symbolic. It’s the quintessential lazy beer: light, easy to drink, a good choice for parties and sleepy summer afternoons. Well, the event was on Saturday, so maybe he started early.

Samson and Delilahs

Like pajama-pants-in-public guy, this next gentleman displays a special kind of confidence by not only sporting a mullet in 2011, but also sporting the one mullet to rule them all through the power of ’80s buttrock majesty. Check it out.

I called it his mullet, but I think he might actually belong to it. Or at least be fueled by it. You know, like Samson. I mean, look at the women it attracts, the power it contains! At times, it even seemed to glow.

This wasn’t a comprehensive list, but I’m getting sick of writing about this festival. So … that’s all, folks. Good night.

4 Responses to “Great Tucson Beer Fest | The Ugly”
  1. Ryan says:

    That guy was the mascot of that beer festival! He sums up everything wrong with it and how lack of a “festival” it really was. He reminds of Dog the bounty hunter’s second cousin with more of a drinking problem…

    • Scott says:

      I’m not sure he summed up everything wrong with the festival … he seemed more like a representative of the 80s. But you’re right, the resemblance to Dog was uncanny.

  2. Ben says:

    “Broes,” “Broses,” “Brostitutes,” “Broads”?

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